Hello, says Grief, as he slowly knocks on all the points in my body he has been residing.
This rainy morning I woke up with the same pains that I experienced in the early days after your passing.
It is with softness and curiosity I observe what is unfolding.
The heavy heart, the dream-like state I move through life in.
Yet life is quite different from then, and in one very poignant way, the same
Life without you.
Life with you in a different form.
I heard myself saying and thinking this often lately:
That I wish to be open to the unfolding of our relationship even after your death
That our relationship did not end there.
And as I type this and stay with the openness, something cracks in the armor around my heavy heart
sending shivers through all my body.
And I realize that when I announced this opening
the rest of the world wants to be in relationship with the rest of me and this body.
The world without you here wants to continue to be in relationship with me
and my body is knocking at the doors of my Grief to announce that this relationship is unfolding.
Oh how to welcome this kind of change fully
How to embrace this kind of invitation with trust and joy
How to bow to the body’s need to grief and to my soul’s cry of longing…
I watch my older brothers and sisters do this with ease and beauty
I watch the trees that have grown so green, so vibrant,
bow under the weight of the rain
with such grace and aliveness
the water seeps through the earth and feeds their roots
and the sun reflects all shades of green on their abundant foliage.